You Make Me Brave
You Make Me Brave….
I bought a new journal a few weeks ago with great intentions of putting down all of the details of Random Acts of Hope – documenting the days as God continues to open doors for the ministry. But as much as I knew I wanted to write, the journal has sat on the shelf in my ministry studio, untouched.
Today I opened the journal and began to write, only the words weren’t about Hope and Flowers. Instead the words were more like “unrelenting disappointment”. Words I have been afraid to write and even more afraid to feel.
I can’t write about disappointment, after all, hope has become who I am. It’s what everyone has come to know me by.
Hope and flowers.
I can’t speak hope and be disappointed at the same time, can I?
I believe the answer is yes. Welcome to being human – and learning to trust God.
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” Proverbs 13:12 NIV
The message version of this verse describes “hope deferred” as “unrelenting disappointment”.
Unrelenting disappointment will make you heartsick…
I’m disappointed. And right now the disappointment is unrelenting, exhausting, like trying to run a marathon through wet cement. I’m not a runner so the idea of running a marathon alone is impossible – and running it through wet cement would be unheard of.
I’m right there.
I’m disappointed – and I’m heartsick. But you know what I’m finding, or not finding in this case? Nowhere in the Bible does God promise to bring me a husband.
But wait, Catherine – what about the verse that says, “Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart…”
Call me crazy, but what if the part we are supposed to focus on in that verse wasn’t the part about God giving us the desires of our hearts? What if we were supposed to focus on learning to “take delight in the Lord”?
God may not have promised me a husband but He has promised to fight for me (Exodus 14:14), to give strength when I am weak (Isaiah 40:29), to give me wisdom when I ask (James 1:5), forgiveness (1 John 1:9), salvation (John 3:16), to meet all my needs (Philippians 4:19).
And those are just a few.
So am I disappointed?
But because I KNOW His promises are true, I have hope.
And because of that hope – He makes me brave enough to move forward – to press through the disappointment and to say, God I trust you. I know you can do this, I know you are able. But even if you don’t answer this heart’s cry the way I think you should – still I have hope.